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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Happily Ever After...or not!

I just watched yet another sappy tear-jerking romantic movie and it got me thinking about that quest for ‘the one’ and all the difficulties involved with it. First off, the dating stage. I think romance is becoming more and more extinct with the new era of casual hook-ups and drunken sexual encounters. I’m not getting on my moral high horse here but whatever happened to traditional dating – dinner, flowers, a nice picnic? Some guys just want to take off without taxing. I dunno. Maybe romance novels and films have made women too idealistic and lifted our expectations of men to an unreachable standard. I was reading an article in which a man’s attitude was “if women expect men to act like they do in romance novels, then they shouldn’t be surprised if men expect them to act like porn stars”. Hello!! Being a gentleman who treats his lady with respect and shows he cares and thinks about her by making simple (not EXPENSIVE!) gestures is nothing compared with the degradation involved with the expectation to behave like a porn star! If that’s who you are then that’s your prerogative. But for me, I would like to set myself aside from the animals.

In my opinion, not being a gentleman is just lazy. I don’t want perfection either, that is boring. Even Jane Austen’s Mr Darcy was by no means perfect, the guy was an arrogant prick but he stepped-up when he realised he wanted to be with Lizzy because unlike some women back then and now, she would never have settled for less than she deserved. We women make it way too easy. I don’t know if it’s the fear of being alone or whatever but doesn’t that just give guys an excuse to treat us like crap? It now seems like their egos are so big that they won’t even make the first move anymore for fear of rejection. I was having a conversation with a bunch of guy friends and they all said they preferred not to make the first move and most guys don’t make the first move unless they are 95% sure the girl feels the same way i.e. asking her friend. COWARDICE! I say. COWARDICE! Lol! A friend of mine is actually having this problem. She knows this particular guy friend likes her and she has done everything but shout it from the roof tops that she feels the same. Unfortunately, it’s been months and the guy is still being a chicken and she is too traditional to make the first move so she’s trapped between limbo or giving up. I’m not really sure if this is a problem for the over-confident Naija guy though.

So after all this, your idealist attitudes give way to realism as age begins to creep up on you and you marry the next best guy. Are we all really destined to settle for second best? That to me would be the saddest thing but no matter how much I protest now, I fear I may succumb to the same fate after years spent waiting for ‘the one’. I can’t imagine sitting with my husband in years to come and thinking “God, how did I end up with him?” lol! It’s funny because he is probably thinking about what excuse he’s going to use to get out of the house to go hook-up with his 20year old girlfriend.

Sometimes I wonder why anyone even wants to get married anymore after hearing so many horror stories about marriage especially in Nigeria and other traditional cultures. The scariest, being that it doesn’t even take a couple of years for a marriage crisis. Imagine a groom calling up the bride’s best friend trying to get a booty call the night before the wedding and turning up the next day, saying his vows in front of his and her family and the best friend without even a hint of guilt...True story! As far as he is concerned, his life hasn’t changed and he can keep living like a bachelor. After being chatted up by about 3 married men in the past year, I find it rather disgusting that;
1) they don’t think it’s a big deal 2) they don’t think I mind being chatted up by a married man because of course society simply does not condemn this behaviour. If a woman told her friend or mother about her husband’s infidelity, they would be more likely to say “Oh well he’s a man, you know how these things go”. I’m not saying this would be the reaction in all cases but it’s definitely the attitude of the majority in Africa.

With these issues to deal with, what’s a girl suppose to do? I still want to believe in story book endings and fairytales, true love’s kiss, dancing in the moonlight, chocolate hearts and I definitely want flowers just because it’s Wednesday (definitely a line from a chick flick). I want to be wooed and asked out nicely, damn it! I want to feel like a freakin’ lady!

photo:, Brown Sugar


eHummer said...

I feel u dear, its as if the male species deem the term 'gentleman ' an insult. they all want to be macho and have the whole ran look 'money ,cars, girls,- in that order! dont you dare settle for less than the best because a bad union can change a person , making them bitter. We all face those fears... i just pray that if im faced with the same situation i'll have the courage to take my own advice :)

Chike-Ikechi Is said...

A very heart felt post that I'm in agreement. Just commit finding 'the one' to God and all will fall into place. There are still a significant number of gentlemen out just have to be open a tad bit. I guess I should recommend you "Something New" if you haven't already seen it. Nice flick that gets at exactly what you've touched on here. Great post again!!

Ifeomaadiagwuagwu said...

Girl... u are not asking for too much. That's the why it is meant to be. Relationships, friendship, all deserve healty respect, mutual admiration and what have you.

There's a saying that goes, "if anyone is not willing to do it, i will choose to, because it is the right thing to do." I am actually paraphrasing Joyce Meyer's quote.

Oyinkan: But anyway, dear sister girl - just, pls, do you. Take care.